The Difference Makes The Practice

I am on my way home from a weekend training in NYC. It has been an interesting weekend, filled with a number of challenges and breakthroughs physically, mentally, and emotionally (as many trainings are). I was very excited about this training because it was on a topic that you do not see often, but plays a part in many of my daily experiences as a teacher, student, and now studio owner. I came in with certain expectations of what I wanted to learn and how I would implement my new knowledge. But, of course, as life often goes, what I took from my practice over the last few days doesn't fit into the neat little package I had envisioned. As it turns out, the teacher and many of my fellow trainees had a different idea of what this training was about and what we were all supposed to takeaway.

As the weekend progressed, I found myself experiencing a range of emotions from anger and frustration to guilt for feeling angry and frustrated during a weekend dedicated to yoga, to excitement to awe to joy and beyond. Although I am still processing what occurred, I think that a majority of these emotions stemmed from my studying what is familiar and comfortable for me in a place that felt neither familiar nor comfortable in a way that felt neither familiar or comfortable.

As a teacher, I often invite my students to tune inward and let go of the comparison of their practice to their neighbors' because their body and their needs may be different than those of their neighbor. And, furthermore, I often propose that how they feel today may be different than they felt the day before or will feel tomorrow, and that recognizing this and listening to this is all part of their mindfulness practice. I do this with the hope that they can find ease in the moment, but also ease when the tendency to compare and judge arises off the mat.

This weekend was a true test of "practicing what I preach" or, more accurately, of living my yoga.  At first, my reaction was to look at my "neighbors" and to say to myself, my practice does not look like their practice and to see this as a failing in some way on my part. I observed difference and turned that observation into right and wrong instead of acknowledging that our differences stemmed from the fact that we are in fact different, in different situations, with different experiences, and different needs and wants.

In this specific example, what  I came to realize is this:

 Each yoga studio has its own vibe, its own perspective on how a class flows, how poses are taught and assisted and its own unspoken language of how yogis interact before, during and after class. It is this unique vibe that draws us to certain studios and certain teachers.  Another way of thinking about this vibe is authenticity. We are all different, with different experiences, different needs and wants and this allows us all to offer something a little bit different to our yoga community both as teachers and as students.  And, the fact that we do all offer something a little bit different allows for a great diversity of options, great learning and growth, and great satisfaction with the connections that are created as a consequence of seeing and appreciating another individual's authentic vibe. My practice both on and off the mat is never going to be perfect because there is no perfect. The best that I can do is to keep my gaze (both inner and outer) open, and try to be authentic with where I am and what I can offer to myself and those around me in this moment.

I took so many valuable nuggets from this weekend's training. I may not implement them in the way that the teacher anticipated, but I will do it in a way that is right for me.  Although I was resistant at first, in the end, it seems that the difference makes the practice.